That’s when I decided that I am going to be the perfect child and if I am that perfect child, everything around me will be perfect as well. I am starting to live my life as a little adult. An achiever who can take care of herself. Later on, as the perfect teenager, I also had to look perfect. Exercising like crazy, starving myself to achieve that perfect picture of my imagination.
My stomach starts to suffer the consequences, IBS along with diarrhoea is becoming my everyday life so I have to take tablets just to make it through the day. Not receiving the necessary nutrition is also affecting the development of my joints and muscles.
I am 5 years old, sitting in front of the TV, eating, and watching my favourite programs. In my mind I am in this wonderful Hollywood setting far away from the yelling, crying, shouting, the smell of alcohol and fear. Food gives me comfort and joy to cope with the toxic environment at home.
I have two degrees and moving to London to become an Event Manager. Climbing the corporate ladder and learning a lot during every step. My stomach keeps suffering the consequences of my earlier life along with rising anxiety levels. I have the urge to become successful and to know everything straight away. Saying yes to every extra task as I don’t want to show weakness. Working all day makes me overstressed, overworked but my anxiety is pushing me for perfection. The fear that I am still not good enough kicks in, failure is still not an option. I want to be liked and respected by trying to please others and proving that I am good enough.
The pressure of my own making is becoming too much and I am collapsing under it. I feel I can’t deal with life as I am used to.
Fortunately, a leg accident happens at work and shows me a completely different direction to life.
Somebody is recommending Reiki to ease my pain and I decide to try it. As it turns out one session is enough to heal the pain in my leg. I also start realising what a wonder the human body is and how it can improve itself.
I am amazed and start to understand myself on a deeper level. This experience also opens my eyes toward other alternative therapies.
I am finding myself craving a calmer office job which would allow me to have a life outside the workplace. Guess what! My bravery to change jobs pays off. The new one allows me exactly what I hoped for. I am now able to dedicate the necessary time to gain formal qualifications in various alternative therapies while also progressing my office job with insights into admin, events management and even some HR experience.
Working in a calmer environment also allows me to plan proper breaks and holidays.
I love travelling and exploring different countries, but my IBS is still not allowing me to fully enjoy these experiences. When I taste something, I end up running for a toilet. When planning a city break I also must check the city’s toilet map as well to feel safe. During a winter break in Malta, something changes in me. I decided that I had enough. Such a beautiful country, we are sitting in our car and exploring the wonderful cities. I am completely fed up that my IBS is messing up yet another holiday for me. I am unable to enjoy any meal without stressing about what’s going to happen after. I clearly remember the moment when I am shouting: “Enough is enough”. I am truly furious, “This has to stop now”. “This has been messing with me forever and it must end now”. Suddenly something inexplicable happens. Something shifts in my brain and all my digestive problems get resolved with that sudden shift. No more diarrhoea, no more anxiety before meals, no more mapping up public toilets.
When I am back to London, I am starting to dig deeper to find out how the brain works. How can a sudden switch resolve this condition which made my life hell for so long?
Besides exploring the energy healing techniques I become interested in mindfulness and the Silva-method as well. This journey puts me on course towards modern psychotherapy which ultimately leads me to hypnotherapy.
This science of the mind completely fascinates me, especially the pain-free way of getting rid of anxiety, fears, phobias and traumas. It is especially mind-blowing how we can boost our confidence and reach our goals by accessing a deeper part of our brain.
I am learning more and more about my issues such as anxiety, relationship with food, childhood traumas, constant aim for perfection, all which ultimately led to IBS, anxiety attacks and weight problems.
Suddenly I have an epiphany: it is never too late to start afresh, fundamentally change your way of thinking and take a new direction in your life. Since these huge life-changing decisions are never easy to make I am turning to my mentors I met during my healing journey for assistance.
I decided that I will dedicate my life helping people to improve their lives with energy healing and to combine my services with psychotherapy and hypnotherapy.
While setting up my practice I visited many therapy centres searching for a place of my own. I had this wonderful picture of my therapy room in my head that it would be a safe haven from the harsh reality of the outside world.
Unfortunately, none of the therapy centres I visited made me want to work there.
I looked around my own home and realised, that the place I was looking for was in front of me all the way along. The living room was adapted for receiving my clients and they are all loving it ever since.
2 years ago I was approached to take part in an animal healing project using Reiki and it became another life-changing milestone for me. The project coordinator and I realised how much we have in common and how great it would be to combine our knowledge and create something together. We have become friends and established PET TLC to help animals in need. We are hoping to work with lions as well one day, this is a big dream of mine.
Besides helping people and animals I am dedicating time to learn new skills to broaden my therapy tools. I have always been interested in arts so learned the therapy aspect of it. How you can express your feelings through drawing, crafting, creating. Everyone is creative.
What I learned about myself in the past few years:
I can meditate if I let my quest for perfection go. I started to meditate in a group and people were talking about their fantastic experience. I was so frustrated that I am not there where they are. It took me a year to learn how to meditate and let my expectations go. Now I cannot imagine a day without meditation and self-Reiki.
Anxiety can be a useful tool
It’s okay to be not perfect
Change takes time, let frustration and expectations go
Self - Love and accepting who I am is a long journey but worth a ride
It is okay to ask for help, I don’t need to face everything alone
It is okay to say “ I am not okay”
It is okay to feel not okay
Self-care is not selfish
It takes time…
Less is more
Old ways do not open new doors
If you change nothing, nothing will change
Where focus grows energy flows
The more you love who you are the less you seek validation and approval from others.
Thank you very much for reading my story. Hope you gained something from it. Take care!