That’s when I decided that I will be the perfect child with no issues and if I were that perfect child, everything around me will be perfect. I have started to live my life as a little adult. An achiever who can take care of herself and does not need any help and does not cause any trouble. Later on, as the perfect teenager, I also had to look perfect. Exercised like crazy, and starved me to achieve that perfect picture of my imagination.
My stomach started to suffer the consequences, IBS along with diarrhoea became my everyday life so I had to take tablets just to make it through the day.
I am 5 years old, sitting in front of the TV, eating, and watching my favourite programs. In my mind I am in this wonderful Hollywood setting far away from the yelling, crying, shouting, the smell of alcohol and fear. Food gives me comfort and joy to cope with the toxic environment at home.
After two degrees I am moving to London to become an Event Manager. I was climbing the corporate ladder and learning a lot during every step.
I had the urge to become successful and to know everything straight away.
Saying yes to every extra task as I don’t want to show weakness. Working all day made me overstressed and overworked but my anxiety was pushing me towards perfection.
The fear that I am still not good enough kicks in but failure is still not an option. I want to be liked and respected by trying to please others and proving that I am good enough.
The pressure of my own making was becoming too much and I was collapsing under it. I felt like I couldn't deal with life as I was used to.
My stomach was suffering the consequences of my earlier life along with rising anxiety levels.
Fortunately, a leg accident happened at work and showed me a completely different direction in life.
Somebody recommended Reiki to ease my pain and I decide to try it. As it turned out, one session was enough to heal the pain in my leg. I also started realising what a wonder the human body is and how it can improve itself.
I was amazed and started to understand myself on a deeper level. This experience also opened my eyes to other alternative therapies.
I found myself craving a calmer office job that would allow me to have a life outside of the workplace. Guess what! My bravery to change jobs paid off. The new one allowed me exactly what I hoped for. I was now able to dedicate the necessary time to gain formal qualifications in various alternative therapies while also progressing in my office job with moves into admin, events management and even some HR experience.
Working in a calmer environment also allowed me to plan proper breaks and holidays.
I love travelling and exploring different countries, but my IBS was still not allowing me to fully enjoy these experiences. When I tasted something, I ended up running for the toilet. When planning a city break I also had to check the city’s toilet map as well to feel safe. During a winter break in Malta, something changed in me. I decided that I had enough. In such a beautiful country, we were sitting in our rented car and exploring the wonderful cities but I was completely fed up that my IBS was messing up yet another holiday for me. I was unable to enjoy any meal without stressing about what was going to happen after.
I clearly remember the moment when I was shouting: “Enough is enough”. I was truly furious: “This has to stop now”. “This has been messing with me forever and it must end now”.
Suddenly something inexplicable happened. Something shifts in my brain and all my digestive problems begin to be resolved with that sudden shift. No more diarrhoea, no more anxiety before meals and no more mapping up public toilets.
When I was back in London, I started to dig deeper to find out how the brain works. How can a sudden switch resolve this condition which had made my life hell for so long?
Besides exploring the energy healing techniques I became interested in mindfulness and the Silva method as well. This journey put me on a course toward modern psychotherapy which ultimately led me to hypnotherapy.
This science of the mind completely fascinates me, especially the pain-free way of getting rid of anxiety, fears, phobias and traumas. It is especially mind-blowing how we can boost our confidence and reach our goals by accessing a deeper part of our brain.
I learned more and more about my issues such as anxiety, relationship with food, childhood traumas, and my constant aim for perfection, all of which ultimately led to IBS, anxiety attacks and weight problems.
Suddenly I had an epiphany: it is never too late to start afresh and fundamentally change your way of thinking and take a new direction in your life. Since these huge life-changing decisions are never easy to make, I turned to my mentors I met during my healing journey for assistance.
I decided that I would dedicate my life to helping people to improve their lives with energy healing and to combine my services with psychotherapy and hypnotherapy.
I have always been interested in arts and learned the therapy aspect of it as well and how you can express your feelings through drawing, crafting and creating.
I was learning more and more on the way and NLP was the next to come in. I was so impressed by how quickly we can get rid of traumas and limiting beliefs.
As I practiced and learned more healing techniques my clairvoyance and clairaudience skills were getting wider and I enjoyed that I could help my clients even more.
In 2018 I was approached to take part in an animal healing project using Reiki and it became another life-changing milestone for me. Animals are so open to energy and they even show us where they need assistance. They even "communicate" if they wish to, through pictures and messages I can pass to their carers. It is absolutely mind-blowing. You can read about this journey here. More information about this approach is here.
I am hoping to work with lions one day - this is a big dream of mine. I have always felt a strong connection with them.
In 2022 I qualified as a Past Life Regression therapist as well. During my self- discovery journey I have visited many past lifes of mine and this experience helped me to understand my "vicious cycles", I received answers to reoccuring events/situations. This helped me to break these circles and achieve freedom. I am glad that I can help my clients to achieve the same.
What I learned about myself in the past few years:
I can meditate if I let my quest for perfection go. I started to meditate in a group and people were talking about their fantastic experiences. I was so frustrated that I was not where they wre. It took me a year to learn how to meditate and let my expectations go. Now I cannot imagine a day without meditation and self-Reiki.
Anxiety can be a useful tool
It’s okay to be not perfect
Change takes time - let frustration and expectations go
Self - love and accepting who I am is a long journey but worth a ride
It is okay to ask for help and I don’t need to face everything alone
It is okay to say “ I am not okay”
It is okay to feel not okay
Self-care is not selfish
It takes time…
Less is more
Old ways do not open new doors
If you change nothing, nothing will change
Where focus grows energy flows
The more you love who you are the less you seek validation and approval from others.