Valentine’s Day is around the corner and it can bring up the best in you or the stress in you… Are you grateful that you have a supportive partner or feel down because no one hugged you for a long time? It can be an extremely lonely time especially this year with the lockdown still on.
These are the main starting sentences during a therapy session when it comes to relationships – Why am I alone? Why is the same thing happening to me again and again? How can I find my other half? What’s wrong with me? Am I so unlovable? Why are all my relationships falling?
Where to start?
It all starts with you. Working on yourself. Most people think when they find a partner, they will be happy. I don’t agree. I think first you should be happy and then the right partner will come.
Once one of my colleagues was complaining about not finding a partner for ages. She started to blame herself and was so negative. I asked the question: “Would you go out with yourself?” She replied “Pfff never” So how do you expect anybody to go out with you if you wouldn’t go out with yourself?
It all starts with you.
I remember the old days when we were allowed to go out clubbing. I felt so sorry for all the girls wearing high heels, full makeup, everything out on display and constantly checking who is looking at them. The air smelled of desperation. Desperation is not your friend when it comes to meeting someone. I have a lot of male friends and asked them what were they looking for in a girl.
“If I only want sex I can easily spot those desperate girls looking for attention. I have a radar for those kinds of girls, they have a `please love me I am so alone vibe`. When I am looking for something serious, I look for a girl who is okay with herself, who doesn’t need constant attention because she is complete on her own.
Like Joey is sharing with Rachel in Friends (S2.E1) “I can sense when women are depressed and vulnerable. It’s one of my gifts”
My girlfriends had similar opinions about guys as well: “Have his sh*t together”. “I don’t want to be his mother or his therapist”
When we are in harmony with ourselves we have a different vibe and we attract similar people.
“When you start taking care of yourself, you start feeling better, you start looking better, and you start to attract better. It all starts with you."
When you are in love you feel like the world is your oyster, everything feels light and easy, there are so many opportunities, things just fall in place. It is possible to love yourself and have the same feeling.
So it all starts with self-love and self - care. Accepting who you are and working towards who you want to be. That can be a tough process but it worth the ride.
It wasn’t easy for me but I would never trade the experience, the knowledge and skills I learned through my journey.
Few things I learned about myself during the past few years:
· I can meditate if I let my quest for perfection go. I started to meditate in a group and people were talking about their fantastic experience. I was so frustrated that I am not there where they are. It took me a year to learn how to meditate and let my expectations go. Now I cannot imagine a day without meditation and Self-Reiki.
· Anxiety can be a useful tool
· It’s okay to be not perfect
· Change takes time, let frustration and expectations go
· Self - Love and accepting who I am is a long journey but worth a ride
· It is okay to ask for help, I don’t need to face everything alone
· It is okay to say “ I am not okay”
· It is okay to feel not okay
· Self-care is not selfish
· It takes time…
· Less is more
· Old ways do not open new doors
· If you change nothing, nothing will change
· Where focus grows energy flows
· The more you love who you are the less you seek validation and approval from others.
Now give yourself a big hug:)
PS: If you are looking for Valentine’s day present for your loved one or to give yourself a little self-care, I have Gift Vouchers available.
Feel free to get in touch and find our more.